Chapter 8

     Jayfeather grunted in slight pain as he pulled himself up. He had just finished eating and now he had to sort herbs. Padding silently to the entrance to his den, he tried to find out where Lionblaze was. They still weren't on speaking terms, but as much as Jayfeather hated to admit it, he missed having his brother. Now the only cat he had was Snowpaw. I never should have told him that. But it wasn't my fault! He led me into it! I was in pain and shocked and confused! But no matter how hard he tried to convince himself, he knew it wasn't true. It was his fault. 
     His head down and his tail drooping, he took out the herbs. His heart lurched when he realized he was running out. The clan had been forbidding him to leave the camp since the twoleg incident. He could hardly blame them, even he, two moons later, was finding it hard to live with the pain in his side. It would go away eventually, but...
     Jayfeather tried to focus on the new problem. The herbs. Maybe he could ask a warrior to get the herbs for him when on patrol, but no. They wouldn't be able to tell if it was the right herb or not. He sunk down on the floor, his head spinning. He didn't know what to do. And Starclan wasn't speaking to him anymore. Not since... he didn't want to think about it.
     Jayfeather was about to give up when an idea popped into his head. Cinderheart! She was back on warrior duties now that her kits were apprentices, and she was Cinderpelt. He was about to run out to find her but the pain started throbbing and he couldn't manage to pick himself up again.
     He suddenly heard loud and hurried pawsteps outside. He heaved himself to his paws, aware that he was only hurting himself more by ignoring his wound. But especially after two moons of healing, he wasn't going to show that he was still weak.
     "Jayfeather!" he heard Mousewhisker gasp. "Lionblaze, he's badly hurt!" 
     Jayfeather could hardly keep himself from falling over. How could Lionblaze be hurt? "Tell me what happened," he said in a forced calm voice.
     Suddenly Mousewhisker seemed to remember Jayfeather's injury, because he said, "The same thing that happened to you. We were on a hunting patrol and suddenly Lionblaze slumped to the ground with one of those arrow-things stuck in his side."
    Jayfeather held his breath to hold in the wail that rose inside of him. How would he save his brother from that? And on top of that, Lionblaze still hated him and Jayfeather had to pretend the same. "Okay, take me to him," he mewed quietly, hoping Mousewhisker wouldn't hear the defeat in his voice.
     He raced after Mousewhisker, and hardly paying any attention when he could tell Mousewhisker thought he couldn't keep up. His mind was focused only on one thing: Lionblaze. He couldn't figure out how his brother got hurt. Then he realized. Lionblaze was protected in battle, not just accidents and twolegs. Jayfeather followed Mousewhisker silently, but when his sharp nose found Lionblaze's scent, he pushed ahead and rushed to him as fast as he could.
     I wish I could see! Jayfeather thought as he tried to assess the situation quickly. He quickly ran his paw over Lionblaze's sigh. The arrow was not in the same place Jayfeather had been shot, it was a little down the body. That was good, because the farther away from the neck and head, the less hurt a cat will be.
     Jayfeather let the fur on his shoulders relax once he felt Lionblaze's faint, almost unnoticeable breaths. He licked his brother's chest to help make his breathing steadier. Then when he thought it was time, he pulled the arrow out. Lionblaze gasped and Jayfeather couldn't hear his breathing anymore. He licked some more until he could.
     "When can we take him to camp?" Jayfeather jumped as he remembered there were other cats around. When he didn't reply, Squirrelflight continued. "Come on, Jayfeather. The patrol got you back to camp. Is it safe to take him?"
     Suddenly Jayfeather remembered his anger for Squirrelflight, because of how she pretended to be their mother. "I know what I'm doing!" he spat. Then he turned and slowly walked back to camp saying over his shoulder, "Well, don't leave him there. Bring him!"
     Not bothering to make sure they were bringing him, he ran back to camp. As he veered around a tree, he suddenly noticed the pain. He hadn't been thinking about it while taking care of Lionblaze. Had he panicked that much?
     As he padded through the entrance, he was close to collapsing in exhaustion and pain. But he forced himself to go slowly to his den before giving in to his aching body. Just as he allowed himself to drop down on the floor, there was a loud rustling just outside his den. Great Starclan! Please let me have a nap!
     "Jayfeather?" he heard a soft and calm voice say. He forced himself up to his paws as Snowpaw quietly entered. The last thing he needed was a new apprentice worrying about him.
     "Yeah?"
     "Um, I wanted to talk to you, but I thought I'd better tell you that the warriors who fought earlier with Riverclan are back. They, er, need a few herbs," she said uncertainly. Meanwhile Jayfeather was about to fall off his paws.
     Jayfeather
     "Dustpelt
     "How many more cats are you going to hurt today, Starclan?" Jayfeather muttered grumpily.
     "Who else is hurt?" Snowpaw gasped. Jayfeather suddenly wished he hadn't said that. He didn't want to be the one to tell her about her father's condition? "Jayfeather, who is hurt?" When he didn't say anything, he heard more softness in her voice. "Jayfeather, you look tired. Are you feeling okay?"
     "Yeah, I'm fine, it's just the..."
     "Just the area where the arrow hit you?" Snowpaw guessed.
     "How did you know?" he asked surprised.
     Snowpaw snorted. "I'd be surprised if any cat in Thunderclan didn't know. Really, you should go a little easier on yourself. Now can you please tell me who is hurt?" she added impatiently.
     "Lionblaze," Jayfeather murmured, hoping she wouldn't hear him. The waves of shock coming from her were almost enough to knock him off his paws. She heard him race out of the den. After a minute, he decided he better get outside and get to work.
     First he tried to find Snowpaw. He scented her near the Highledge. He called to her, and he heard her wheel around quickly. "J-Jayfeather!" she stammered. He wondered what she was hiding.
     "Come here," he called softly. He could feel her unease as she started slowly to him.
     "Yes?"
     "Lionblaze was just hurt. I only just came back from the forest where the patrol was. And you said you wanted to talk, right? Wait in my den for me, when I come we can settle down and talk. I'll get both of us some fresh kill!" He flicked his tail and padded towards Dustpelt.
     The other cats were around Dustpelt, exhausted. "Well?" Jayfeather prompted as the cats moved aside to let him to  Dustpelt. He sniffed the body from head to toe, then lifted his head. "You don't have to worry, he's fine. I can't give him any herbs because he isn't that badly hurt. He's only unconscious because of his lack of sleep."
     Jayfeather waited for any reply from the surrounding cats, and he went on as they remained silent. "Has he been doing too much? Tell him when he wakes up that I have told him to stay in his den for the next day. He was just tired, and then he went into battle and he was outnumbered in the beginning." He scented Ferncloud and he rushed away before he would have to hear Dustpelt's mate's anxious mews. The other cats seemed fine too, they just all needed rest.
     After picking up a thrush for himself and a mouse for Snowpaw, he trudged slowly to his den. Scenting the air, he realized that Snowpaw had only just gotten there. Where had she been until then?
     He made his way to the back where Snowpaw and he always talked. He let himself drop to the ground. He didn't pick up any alarm from Snowpaw, she must have known how tired he was. 
     Closing his eyes for a moment, he murmured, "I pray to Starclan I can just sleep for two moons." Then opened them, so he could keep himself awake. "How are you, Snowpaw? Did you enjoy your first day out as an apprentice?"
     "It was fine," she replied absent-mindedly.
     Jayfeather let impatience take over him. He was too tired to control it. "Well, are you going to say anything? I want to sleep and I can't with you just sitting there and not saying anything!"
     "Sorry, Jayfeather. I was looking at Lionblaze earlier today, and I realized that he wasn't that mad at you."
     "Of course he wasn't, I'm pretty sure he'd like to kill me right now." Jayfeather realized he had hurt Snowpaw's feeling so he just muttered, "Sorry. Continue?"
     Snowpaw nodded. "I think he felt sad. He was looking across the clearing at you, and I could definitely make out sorrow in his eyes."
     "What?!" he asked, surprised. He was the one whose powers let him enter the minds of other cats, how come he didn't know if Lionblaze felt sad? Because I've been trying to get him out of my head, he thought answering his own question.
     "He did!" Snowpaw persisted. "I thought I should let you know because it might make you feel a little less bad. Lionblaze does still care for you. A lot." Jayfeather waited as Snowpaw paused. "Jayfeather, I think I should leave now. You look as if you're about to fall asleep on your paws."
     Jayfeather nodded, and finished his thrush quickly as he heard her quietly leaving. Resting his head on his paws and putting the tip of his tail over his nose, he let sleep overcome him.


     Dreams led him to one of the underground tunnels. He looked around wildly as it began to rain. Water slowly rose up to his chin, his mouth. He took up a deep breath as his nose vanished under the surface. Panicking, he kicked around, trying to push his head above the water. His lungs bursting, Jayfeather felt himself drift slowly to the bottom, and then saw everything go black.
     He suddenly appeared in a forest. Recognizing it as Starclan's territory, his heart began to race with excitement at the thought of them forgiving him for what he had done. He bounded up the path that led to a rock, where Spottedleaf and Yellowfang would always wait for him. But as he caught a glance at the rock, he realized sadly that there was no one there.
     As he turned around slowly with his head and tail drooping, he realized that he could scent both the medicine cats tingling in the air. He turned in circles, desperate to see them. Then he heard the whisper.
     "Jayfeather," Spottedleaf's soft tone rang.
     "Spottedleaf! Are you there? Please talk to me! I'm sorry! Please forgive me, I hadn't realized what I was doing!" Desperation rose in his voice as none of the she-cats showed themselves to him.
     "Lies! You knew exactly what you were doing!" Jayfeather swallowed as he heard Yellowfang's unforgiving voice. Both cats had always been nice and supporting to him unless he was doing something wrong. And even though Yellowfang was always short-tempered, she would still do what she thought best for him. And Spottedleaf... this was completely against her personality.
     "Please don't do this to me!" Jayfeather wailed in despair. "Please, I need you." He sunk down to the ground, dizzy and sorry for what he had done.
     Spottedleaf's voice turned harsh. "Why should we listen to you? Tell me you didn't kill warriors when they came to you for help! Tell me you didn't attack Starclan! Tell me you didn't want Tigerstar to help you kill even more cats!"
     Jayfeather trembled as Spottedleaf listed what he had done just after the great battle between Starclan and the Dark Forest. "Y-you know I can't say that," he blurted out shakily. He knew the two were barely controlling themselves from lunging at him.
     "Of course you can't! So how can you even begin to think that we would forgive you? All of Starclan is against you!" Yellowfang spat.
     Jayfeather's heart lurched as he realized what else that meant. If all of Starclan hated him, he would not go to Starclan when he died. He would go somewhere much, much worse. "I'm sorry," was all he was able to say. He felt a sharp nip on his tail and shoulder and bit back a cry of pain. 
     He woke with a start back in his den. He forced his eyes open on darkness and stretched himself out. Wincing as he got up, he gave his aching shoulder and tail a quick lick. The wounds he gets in his dreams somehow shows up when he wakes up.
     Jayfeather tried to push his dream away. He couldn't. He had done something very wrong, but was it really so bad that Spottedleaf and Yellowfang would never speak to him again? Was is so much, that when he died, he wouldn't go to Starclan?
     "Oh, you're finally awake?" Snowpaw said as Jayfeather heard her running in excitedly.
     Jayfeather grunted, shaking away his thoughts so he could be at least pleasant with the young apprentice. 
     "I brought you some fresh kill!" she said, and tossed a vole at him.
     He caught it, and remembered when he was a kit, he, Hollyleaf, and Lionblaze would all play by tossing fresh kill around. Hollyleaf, where are you? Remembering that he didn't know whether Hollyleaf was in Starclan or not made him remember the dream.
     "Uh, Jayfeather? You there?" Snowpaw's voice jolted him back to the present.
     "Uh, yeah. Thanks." Jayfeather tucked in to the vole heartily, suddenly realizing how hungry he was.
     He heard Snowpaw settle down beside him. "You don't look alright, are you okay?"
     Jayfeather just snorted. "I wouldn't know. I can't look at myself," he said grumpily then felt guilty once he heard the harshness of his own words. "Sorry," he mumbled. "I just had a bad dream, that's all."
     Snowpaw seemed satisfied with his response. "Okay, I didn't have anything to talk about really, I just thought I'd come."
     "Oh, I'm still a bit tired, but I don't want to sleep. Don't you have to go out with Poppyfrost?" Jayfeather didn't want to get rid of Snowpaw's company, but he thought that if she was supposed to be out, then it wouldn't be right for her to be here.
     "No, Poppyfrost said that we'd go on patrol today, so I have some free time before," Snowpaw said. Jayfeather just nodded. He didn't know how to keep an apprentice excited. "Have you ever thought of taking on an apprentice?" Snowpaw asked suddenly.
     "No, not really." Jayfeather thought for a moment. "Why? Do you know any cat who would like to be a medicine cat? I suppose it is about time to start searching." Jayfeather didn't really want an apprentice, he didn't think he'd have the patience to deal with one.
     "I don't know of anyone..." Snowpaw trailed off, and with dismay, Jayfeather realized he was losing his powers to enter cats' minds. It must be a punishment from Starclan, he thought miserably.
     "Have you checked on Lionblaze?"
     Snowpaw nodded. "He's awake now, and he's moving around too. You can hardly tell he was hurt in the first place."
     "Well, that's better than me," Jayfeather muttered, remembering how Snowpaw said how obvious it was that he still hadn't recovered.
     Snowpaw gave Jayfeather a quick lick on his shoulder. "Well, I'm sure he was just lucky. Was he as badly hurt as you?"
     "Well, no. Mine pushed deeper in and it was higher up my body," Jayfeather said. It felt awkward to be explaining all about a wound he had gotten a while ago. 
     "Okay, then You shouldn't feel bad." Snowpaw looked around. "I should get going now."
     Suddenly Jayfeather realized that he wanted to confide in the young apprentice. He trusted her in a way he had trusted Lionblaze once. "Okay, Snowpaw. Just when you come back, wait for me in my den if I'm not already there. There's something I want to talk about."
     Snowpaw shrugged. "Okay," she said cheerfully and then padded away. Jayfeather sighed and was just about to go back to sleep when he thought he should get up. He stretched himself out and walked out of the den. Unease flooded through him as he scented Lionblaze a little away. As a medicine cat he would have to check on him and he could just imagine how Lionblaze would react.
     Slowly, he made his way to where Lionblaze was talking to Cinderheart in quiet voices. "Hi, Cinderheart. Lionblaze," Jayfeather said, trying to sound normal.
     He imagined Lionblaze narrowing his eyes and glaring at him as he heard the contempt in his voice. "Why are you here?" he asked.
     "You should be thankful I saved your life, Lionblaze! Now let me check on your wound unless you'd rather it gets infected." Jayfeather broke off and then cursed at himself because he didn't want Lionblaze of all cats to hear anything but strength in his voice.
     Lionblaze snorted and said, "Fine. Do what you want." 
     Jayfeather ran his paw over his brother's side, trying to ignore the sharp intake of breath he had felt when his paw touched the cut. "Just make sure you keep putting cobwebs on it and always make sure it's clean."
     "I could have said that," Lionblaze spat. "Did I really need a medicine cat to tell me the obvious?"
     Hurt by his brother's words, he backed away. He hadn't been sure how to respond to that. Then he remembered that he needed to restock herbs. "Cinderheart!" he called, forcing her to leave his brother's side. When he heard her next to him, he said in a low voice, "I'm running out of herbs, and you know why I can't go leave camp. Do you think you can restock for me?" 
     "But I don't know what-" Cinderheart broke off as she realized why Jayfeather was asking her of all cats to do this. She nodded. "Okay," she said uncertainly. 
     Jayfeather dipped his head in thanks. Then he walked up to Brambleclaw. "Can I please be allowed out of camp? I'm fine, now."
     "I doubt you're fine," Brambleclaw said. "I think you're just saying that."
     "Honestly, I don't remember the last time any cat didn't try to convince the others they were fine," Jayfeather remarked. "And you still let them out."
     "Yes, but they're stronger than you. And they can protect themselves better than you, too." Jayfeather flinched as though he had been stung. He could immediately feel waves of regret coming from the clan deputy. "Sorry, Jayfeather. It's just that you have to be more careful. What would Thunderclan do without a medicine cat?"
     "Of course, the only reason any cat wants me alive is so that they don't die!" Jayfeather spat and stalked off. 
     "You know that's not true," Brambleclaw called after him. He just flicked his tail in response.
     Jayfeather hadn't meant to be so stingy, but he's been in a bad mood ever since he woke up. When he remembered that today was half-moon, and all the medicine cats would go to the Moonpool, he didn't feel the usual bursting of excitement. He hadn't felt that ever since Starclan had shown him enough signs that his presence wasn't wanted.
     As he hurried over to his den, he unexpectedly noticed Leafpool sitting outside. Her front faced the inside. "Leafpool?" Jayfeather asked.
     She jumped. "Jayfeather! I, er-" Leafpool broke off but Jayfeather knew what she wanted to say.
     "Want to come in?" he sighed. His old mentor must miss being a medicine cat. She nodded, then followed him in. 
     Jayfeather padded inside to his nest and dropped to the ground. Though he had been ignoring the pain in his side, it didn't mean it wasn't there. He didn't care about showing off in front of Leafpool. She was his mother and mentor; she knew him well enough already.
     Jayfeather heard Leafpool sigh as she looked around. "It feels right to be back in here. Are you okay, Jayfeather?"
     He nodded, even though he knew it wouldn't have any effect. "I'm just tired, and my body aches."
     "You're going to be traveling today, you should make sure you're fit enough to make it there and back. I'm sure Starclan will want to talk to you," she said. Jayfeather stiffened as Leafpool went on. "At least eat some poppy seeds."
     Shaking his head, he said, "Poppy seeds will make me sleepy. And I shouldn't be eating because I have to go to the Moonpool."
     "You're right," she sighed. "It's good I'm not a medicine cat anymore. I'm not good at it anymore." Jayfeather pitied her and had an urge to comfort her, but he had never forgotten his anger for Leafpool and her sister, Squirrelflight.
     "You'd be a good medicine cat if you never stopped, but, well, you did." That was the best the young gray tom could say. When there was an awkward silence after, Jayfeather quickly got up. "I should get going," he mewed quietly. Leafpool scrambled to her paws after. "You can stay here if you want. This was your den once, too."
     As Leafpool nodded her thanks, Jayfeather padded out. Scenting Brambleclaw in the clearing he walked over to him. "See if you can stop me from leaving now!" he gloated. "Today is half-moon and nothing will stop a medicine cat from going."
     The warrior seemed startled but then he relaxed. "Of course, Jayfeather," he replied calmly, dipping his head respectfully, "Why would I stop a medicine cat from going to the Moonpool? Just find a two or three warriors to go with you."
     Jayfeather froze. He couldn't even leave for one night? Then he too relaxed as he realized he would not take a warrior. "No, Brambleclaw. I will travel to the Moonpool myself. As Thunderclan's sole medicine cat, I forbid any normal warrior to make this journey today."
     Jayfeather could feel anger burning through the deputy's pelt. He seemed like he was about to claw at his fur, but he just nodded and looked away.
     With the argument won, he raced out of the entrance and towards the stream that led to the pool.
     Scenting Shadowclan, Riverclan, and Windclan scent ahead, Jayfeather realized that the other cats must be waiting for him. Bursting out from behind a bush, he gasped, "Sorry, started out a little late."
     Weirdly, it was Willowshine who spoke. "It's okay, Jayfeather. No cat always does everything right." Was that affection he heard in her voice? Jayfeather convinced himself that wasn't the case. Willowshine has always hated him.
     "Are you okay?" Littlecloud asked unexpectedly.
     "I'm fine," he insisted. He felt Littlecloud's stare burn into his pelt a little longer. Then the Shadowclan medicine cat turned away.
     "Let's get going," he mewed, then started off. 
     Jayfeather started running, but pain and exhaustion slowed him down. Feeling a pelt brush against him, he realized that Littlecloud had slowed down to talk to him. "I don't think you're okay," he murmured.
     Knowing there was no way out, Jayfeather gave in. "My side still hasn't healed. It still hurts greatly."
     "I think I know something that could help. I'll talk with you later." Then Littlecloud sped off in front of the other cats.
     After what seemed like a lifetime of racing along the stream, Jayfeather slowed to a stop with the other cats as they reached the Moonpool. He could feel the same cool energy surrounding it, and he heard the voices of the spirits calling them forward. The only difference was that they weren't calling him this time, they were calling the other cats. 
     Jayfeather grunted as he let himself drop on his side next to the Moonpool. He could tell the other cats were wondering why he was like that, but e was too tired to care. Dreading what lay ahead in his dreams, Jayfeather slowly put his nose to the cool water and fell asleep. 
     The tom was startled when he found he was back in the Starclan forest. He had thought they wanted nothing to do with him. He hurried up the path and was even more shocked to find Spottedleaf sitting there waiting for him.
     "Spottedleaf!"
     "Hello, Jayfeather," she spoke in an unforgiving tone. 
     "Spottedleaf-" he started, then broke off as he looked down, unable to stand the fury in her eyes. 
     "I wish you weren't the medicine cat. I would have liked to tell this to another cat."
     Jayfeather sighed inwardly. She didn't ave to keep reminding him. He was already haunted by the fact in the first place. He watched her shift her feet.
     "The only reason I talk to you is if Starclan must say something for Thunderclan. And there is a new prophecy," she said loudly. Jayfeather's ears flicked up in sudden interest. "Don't look like that, it isn't about you. A new terror will strike, and light with dark will have to join together."
     Jayfeather's mouth dropped open. He knew what this meant. "But-but..."
     "Jayfeather," a new voice sounded. Jayfeather spun around to see Yellowfang.  "Would you like to prove yourself in front of Starclan?"
     He dipped his head. "Yes, I would."
     "Very well. We will meet you in your dreams after many moons to come."
     Before anything else happened, Jayfeather found himself awake at the edge of the Moonpool.